N-Spiration:

The Spine of Night

About the Film

Written and directed by Philip Gelatt and Morgan Galen King, two obscure but not unknown screenwriters, animators, and Frank Frazetta enthusiasts, The Spine of Night is the full-length sequel to a short film, Exordium, written and rotoscoped by King and made publicly available on his YouTube channel. Gelatt - having seen Exordium - saw also potential: approaching King to spark a collaboration in homage to greats of the genre and of the medium. A work of passion - The Spine of Night is truly a letter of devotion to the world of sword and sorcery cinema: strung along on a shoe-string budget and the aspirations of its creators over the course of seven long years, resulting in the production of a true classic of novel independent cinema: one which, if engadget is to be believed, almost wasn't - as a software update caused the only machine on which the final film had been put together to fail in recognizing its video drivers.

Starring some surprisingly heavy hitters - including recognizable names Lucy Lawless, Joe Manganiello, and Richard Grant - as voice actors in its leading roles, The Spine of Night is an adept modernization and simultaneous shameless homage to the pulp fantasy of the golden age running through the '70s and '80s - one which is relentless in its adherence to the spirit of the genre, but seamlessly finds a way to make itself feel new, feel fresh - taking a shot to the tastes of 2021 and entirely knocking it out of the park.

The Spine of Night is a sprawling epic - a river, meandering, yet relentless and strong as it flows from its springs to the sea - one which any aspiring Dungeon Master would not want to forgo.

Be Aware

First and foremost:

I didn't say it - Google said it.

On Amazon, it's rated "18+" and on IMDB, it's listed as "not rated" - but before learning anything else about this movie - be aware: it is not family friendly. There is not that much profanity, as I recall - but there is pervasive, graphic violence throughout; abundant, persistent nudity - inclusive, masculine and feminine; and a fair dose of what I would consider body horror. While - to be fair - nudity and violence are hallmarks of many classic sword & sorcery films: The Spine of Night turns it up to 11: if you are of more delicate sensibilities about either of those two tones, you may want to strongly consider whether or not you want to experience this movie.

What's to Like

Holy rotoscoping, Batman!

While the quality of the rotoscope, itself, might not be on par with 70's classics a la Don Bluth or Ralph Bakshi, it is still easily on par or above A-tier pieces like A Scanner Darkly in terms of its color and presentation. Further - the fluid motion and the particular character of the technique give The Spine of Night an acute nostalgia and feel: one evocative of an earlier era of animation. Further - no expense was spared on the backdrops: meaning that the characters breathe and move against a stunning and dynamic backdrop - wildfires, snowfall, smoke and mist - or against a dynamic and colorful firmament. The film is beautiful - even if the watcher does not have the same affinity and affection for rotoscope as this particular reviewer - and the artwork, coupled with the design and variation of the world-building, will inspire even the most no-photo-blue, official-product exclusivist.

Which brings up a second point - world-building and scale.

The film begins in a somewhat localized scale, with a single warlord and party or a single tribal unit, and then builds upwards - into guilds and organizations - into armies conquering cities and empires at war. The story is contiguous, but not entirely congruous: flowing through generation upon generation, chronicling a span of ages rather than a span of years. Why is that OSR? Simply - the main character is the campaign, itself. Yes - there are driving characters: these would be our player characters - but the game continues - the movie, in this context, continues - with or without them: time presses on, the world evolves, some characters come, some characters go, and the world continues turning: itself untroubled by the fate of its temporary inhabitants. Outside of the gaming language - too - the film does a good job of illustrating a cosmology, its impact and its evolution in a human social environment: hinting at the beyond, interpreting the beyond - in a refreshing way: something that could be adapted to a campaign world as multiple approaches to a similar core belief rooted in forgotten truth.

Throughout this change in scale, as well, the quintessential element of OSR gameplay is present - the dungeon crawl! Two in particular come to immediate recollection: the first of which being more traditional - with an acolyte of a temple devoted to knowledge delving in the deeps to retrieve forgotten books. In any other genre, this would pass for Magic-User behavior! Further - deeper into the film - the world building takes a turn and displays its capacity for the gonzo, introducing a city under siege in which Mad Max bird-men (or, warriors clad in bird-like Dark Sun bondage wings) stow away on an airship, which they then must commandeer before descending on the palace of an evil wizard-priest: whose defeat (if they can manage it) might save their city! Trudging through the airship, eliminating potential threats and eliminating the chance of capture or identification, and then charging into the sanctum of the enemy? It doesn't get more pulp fantasy than that! 

Finally, to touch on the magic in the world - there exists, through the progression of the movie, a sort of progression of the ages. We go from a primitive iron age to what appears high medieval - then into a technological, almost diesel-punk renaissance: but the consistent theme throughout is a strange blue garland - called somewhat cryptically "The Bloom." A taste of this bloom can work wonders - having grown from the corpse of a chthonic god - and one who knows how to use it can wield wonderful (or terrible) power. The magic system is thus varied and flavorful - some effects being subtle, others being flashy and obvious: some appearing to change the flesh, to warp the corporeal to suit the whim of the spirit so recently confined to its skin-cage; at other times, summoning back the shades and corpses of the dead and damned. This balance fits with the theme of an uncaring universe - it becomes to the user what the user is within himself - and the visual effects to support it are nothing short of iconic.

Where to Watch

The Spine of Night is available for digital rental or purchase on Prime Video - where I watched it. I was afterwards relieved that it was rentable - as I would not want my young children, impassioned by the likes of Thundarr and of Fire and Ice to mistakenly play this one as an analog! In addition, it is available on Apple TV as a rental or on AMC+ Shudder to stream under subscription: although a trial is available for those not keen on yet another recurring cost. 

Further, it is allegedly free to watch on Hoopla: which part of me wishes I had figured out before renting - but at the end of the day, I am glad to have supported this project. 

There is nothing like this film being made today - which is a loss for culture and something I would gladly spend the $3 or $4 pittance I did in to change.

An official listing of places and prices where the film can be viewed online is also provided by the production team on the official Spine of Night website.

In Conclusion

I desperately want to simply state that The Spine of Night is OSR-AF and leave it at that. You are truly missing out if you have not seen this movie. It is the bastard love child of Heavy Metal and Weird Tales left to marinate in distilled Brom. On top of the art direction and world building, however, it also contains several key elements of OSR game play - including dungeon exploration and mass combats - and intentionally includes the mentioned use case of "zooming in" to leverage the skirmish mechanics of the game to influence the wider outcomes of the campaign world. 

So - for the subjective qualities mentioned at first coupled with the objective OSR components present in the script and experience - I can unabashedly justify claiming The Spine of Night to indeed rate as 1: OSR-AF.

While having heard that Gary, himself, was a Jehovah's Witness - he might have shied away from this one due to the graphic, pervasive, and nonstop adult content, to be fair, I was never able to meet the man: so I have no idea what he would have liked or disliked anyway! With that caveat, however, I don't think I am out of place in saying The Spine of Night would be a welcome addition to any Appendix N: as its scope and scale, you can find a sequence that jives with your preferred tone, and in that sequences arising from that campaign in the future would easily be made richer by the inspiration this film provokes.

Thank you for reading - and delve on!

The Spine of Night, produced by Gorgonaut and Reno Productions and distributed by RLJE Films and Shudder in the United States, or by Yellow Veil Pictures internationally, and all imagery related thereto is property of RLJE Films. Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, Dungeons & Dragons, and D&D and all imagery or references thereto related are property of Wizards of the Coast. Clerics Wear Ringmail makes no claim of ownership of any sort to any of the aforementioned media, texts, or images and includes references to or facsimiles of them for review purposes under US Code Title 17, Chapter 107: Fair Use. 

The slide-in of Gary... I got from a meme.

Solo Dungeon Crawler - LBB Dungeons & Dragons (with Chainmail!)

Play-Cast Name: Solo Dungeon Crawler OD&D Solo Campaign System: Original Dungeons & Dragons Where I Watched: YouTube

Chainmail (Because he's using it!)

Thoughts and Review

Two years ago now - I saw an announcement on X (then Twitter) - that a new solo play for original edition was being broadcast: hosted on YouTube in video. While not an uncommon occurrence - actual plays come and go with some degree of regularity - an uncommon note, one which has since become much more common, was that this new AP was to incorporate Chainmail into its execution! Of course, naturally, I was intrigued.

Solo Dungeon Crawler - our host - introduces himself modestly, if his PayPal tip-jar is to be believed, as Tom Garner from Leeds: a nondescript and inviting informality which aligns well with the atmosphere of a wargaming club - taking time after the "real" gaming is complete to try out this new and different skirmish scale adventure game. After - recognizing his voice - I would find that Tom is also the host of a well-storied Karameikos campaign: one which I had listened to in years past and which, as a solo game, has - in audio format - dozens of episodes spanning several years.

Credibility having been established - I spent the next few months listening live as episodes were released: but only recently had the thought - with 0e and Chainmail again on the wax, to bring attention back to this under-appreciated product.

What I Liked

A Note on Reviewed Content

As of this writing, Solo Dungeon Crawler plays and publishes multiple OD&D content elements: including a second 0e AP, almost a sequel to the first, the Castle of the Quest. The scope of this review is for exclusively the first season: and while the viewer is not discouraged from watching (or listening or otherwise consuming) the second, this review does not speak to the virtues of those other playlists: as the content is different from series to series, though the game (and host) remain the same.

As a long-standing proponent of Chainmail both as a stand-alone game and as an accouterment to your D&D experience, it made me very interested to see an 0e actual play which utilized the Chainmail game. However - like many clones and 0e-analogs (Wight Box and Delving Deeper v4 (or in print) come to mind) - he does not substitute out Chainmail for the combat resolution system: instead, he injects Chainmail where the text indicates Chainmail should be (such as when a monster is listed as behaving "as in Chainmail") or where a rule in the LBBs is absent (such as rules regarding combat initiative, turn sequence, or when and how to roll morale). 

Arguably - unlike my own attempt - this is how 0e was supposed to be played: with, as Tom puts it, the words in the 0e booklets overlaid on top of Chainmail - covering them, supplanting them, in the same way that the changes in Chainmail, itself, regarding Man to Man or Fantasy Combat replace corresponding default rules, as pertaining to mass combat. While I admit to deviating in the sense that I have historically tried to treat the alternative combat system as entirely alternative - leveraging Chainmail instead - the approach mentioned above where 0e is overlaid to replace elements of Chainmail is a better way to introduce people to the original game (three brown books, expressly): it's familiar enough with the d20 and hit points and all that jazz to be comfortable, but foreign enough with universal d6 damage, different hit dice quantities per level, and absent Thief class to appeal on novelty. This is, of course, in addition to his exploration of the rules.

The second point I planned to raise about the Solo Dungeon Crawler OD&D campaign was actually going to be a point of contention on first draft. I consumed this content as it came out - one episode at a time - and as such, I watched this unfold in regular action: the author was learning. He makes mistakes - he makes rulings where rules exist: and while I was watching at the time, I fumed over where his interpretations differed from my own!

But then he adapted. 

Then he changed.

And then he came back and played it by the book where before he did not see the words as written.

He even comes back and talks about the "change ability scores" vs "use ability scores" debate over prime requisite! He does not ret-con previous episodes - which empowers the emerging narrative to continue developing, something appropriate for an actual play: half the appeal of which is to serve as entertainment - but does change the way he plays as he gets better at the rules to adhere to them: experiencing the game as it is written and, to the best of his ability, through eyes uncontaminated by other editions of the game. He is not perfect - some mistakes go uncaught and uncorrected: e.g., a character falling into the water, but not rolling for drowning (which is, interestingly, corrected in his second playlist, Castle of the Quest - linked below); the use of dungeon speed, scale, and procedure in the outdoor environment; etc. - but you the viewer, as you watch his adventure unfold, will learn with him: as a lesson from error often sticks more readily than a lesson from success. So I have since changed my opinion on this: where originally this was a "be wary" point - instead, having waited through the duration of the first series, having watched him evolve: this element of the AP, from my point of view, becomes instead a selling point.

For Further Listening

For listeners whose fancy is tickled by the Solo Dungeon Crawler in their exploration of the recommended LBB fantasy campaign, additional amterial is available for consumption by the same author - and thus, may tickle further fancies, according to taste.
As of this writing, I am aware of the following additional OSR content produced by the Solo Dungeon Crawler:

• Tales of Mystara (Solo BECMI Campaign): Video / Audio
• Castle of the Quest (Allegedly solo LBB Campaign, but wrought with procedure and advice): Video
• Solo Dungeon Crawler Podcast (musings & advice): Video / Audio
• Solo Dungeon Crawler Blog (musings & advice): SoloDungeonCrawler.blogspot.com
• Solo Dungeon Crawler X / Twitter

Note, I have not read, listened, or watched all of these - nor of the ones I have read, listened, or watched, have I finished the whole of avaialble content. As such, I cannot speak to the nature of said content as I have spoken in this review of the OD&D Solo Campaign playlist.

In terms of procedure - in an act absolutely essential to working with the original booklets, sans supplements - he applies procedures and rules in inventive places: rulings, perhaps, but rulings leveraging the rules that the situation calls for. Everyone is familiar with the classic OSR saving throws - "Do I roll for Wands? Or would this be more a Petrification???" - but in a more interesting, inventive example, Tom uses the "does the trap go off" chance-in-six to determine if a given damaged platform gives way. It's not a trap, but it is a hazard - and thus can benefit from the trap rules where no rules exist for a rotting wooden floor. This is a fine trick and a good practice: one which I likewise adopt when the opportunity presents itself.

Lastly, the host takes a great deal of effort to create a retro esthetic. The maps looks like pencil and paper, the audio cracks like an analog recording, and the video has intentional distortions in it akin to aging film. This inspired me in running my own 0e-compatible solo AP, which - despite. being much shorter and in woeful need of a new episode - takes on an analog appeal. 

The attention to artistry in the visual presentation of this AP makes me want to play D&D - namely, it makes me want to play it at a table: ideally, my mom's fold-out table in the basement of our old house: or on the family ping-pong table, net removed, of the buddy in the neighborhood up the way who introduced me to D&D in the first place all those years ago when TSR was still king.

Aspects to Note

One thing of which old school editions are undeniably guilty is their unforgiving challenge. The goal is to produce better players: your first character will not be your last - and as you get better at the game, get better at understanding the table, your characters will survive better. However - in this AP - Tom squeezes the orange a bit hard on this note: intentionally making bad (or at least, sub-optimal) decisions that appear to make the game more difficult than it is. For example, in the creation of characters, he assigns their classes prior to seeing what the other characters' ability ranges are: in one instance in particular, a 16 natural Intelligence - eligible for a 10% XP bonus for a Magic User - is wasted: being used to trade for a 12 Strength - offering no bonus whatsoever - on a Halfling Fighter so as to "represent the full diversity of classes"... with a 12 Strength and 13 Intelligence naturally rolled! For those following at home - to assign the former his Halfling Fighter and the latter to his female Magic User would result in a marginally better Halfling (as at least it would have a bonus language) and a markedly better Magic User. He does the exact same thing with a Cleric character - opting for a quite average Cleric (all abilities between 8 and 12) over a stat range which could be eligible easily for an XP bonus - which he acknowledges, saying "But we already have a Cleric, so..." he trades Wisdom 3 for 1 to make a Dwarf with no bonuses!

While the math has been done - and we know that in LBB D&D, the ability scores don't matter remotely as much as they do in future editions - it's frustrating to see this and other, in-game instances of "in-character" sub-optimal decision making artificially inflate the lethality and hazard of the original edition.

Finally - one other element which might concern a potential viewer - the host was actually severely injured (an outside event which he mentions in an explanation for hiatus), which brought his 0e adventure to an unexpected halt. While he does pick it up again in a subsequent attempt, the original characters, the original party, doesn't survive the jump - a new party, a new story begins. This is totally understandable, based on events - but it does also mean that the story doesn't wrap up as cleanly as some of the storylines in other podcasts, other playlists, and other APs that Tom produces.

In Conclusion

The delivery is a bit disjointed - and the playlist is not as long as some of his other work - but Solo Dungeon Crawler's Solo OD&D Campaign is worth your investment. Tom learns as he goes, incorporates house rules where necessary, but by and large, stays within the RAW - making the learning process valuable to someone looking to get into the original edition.

Further, his exposition on why Chainmail is necessary is the most insightful and most comprehensive argument for Chainmail that I have yet seen - one which I have linked otherwheres many times. For that reason - a bit of tongue in cheek appropriateness - I've rated this playlist as Chainmail as well.

Delve on!

Under a Dark Sun - Eleven Foot Pole

Play-Cast Name: Eleven Foot Pole: Dark Sun Actual Play System: 5e Where I Watched: YouTube Where I Listened: Spotify (Audio Only)

Bone-Mail Bondage Bikini

Thoughts and Review

Eleven Foot Pole is a (now defunct) tale of high adventure run by a Dungeon Master by the name of Glen. Alongside a catchy name, Eleven Foot Pole has two playlists: one, older, playing Dolmenwood; and the other, newer, playing a very unique approach to Dark Sun: specifically, adapting the content of the Wizards of the Coast module, Rime of the Frostmaiden from the frozen reaches of Icewind Dale to the burning sands of Athas. 

Having been partial, myself, to Athas - Dark Sun being the primary example within my own experience of the campaign I never got to play - this caught my attention. Having some idea of what lies within the Icewind Dale from watching Dungeon Musing's Legacy of the Crystal Shard actual play series, the ten towns could theoretically be mapped out and adapted to the city-states of the Sorcerer Kings or to the free places around their periphery.

So, out of curiosity, I gave this a try.

What I Liked

I am always partial to actual plays which utilize physical media. It's a beautiful mixture of the digital and the analog - bringing to life memories of how we use to play before online video streaming was feasible for the technology we had or the bandwidth of our connections at the time. Eleven Foot Pole - in this actual play - utilizes paper minis (a cost effective alternative to painted ones) alongside thematic terrain, set in a light box streamed to the players live as they adventure.

This reminds me of some of the heavyweights I've rated in this series - like Lord Gosumba or Matt Finch - and harkens to an experience I've never been able to pull off: if only for lack of time. It's refreshing to see miniatures on a table, dice in a tray, even if the players are remote and connected via video conferencing. The terrain, theme, and tone of the AP match well to how I imagine Athas - and while watching, I felt like I was almost there.

Further, while I claim at the top that I watched on YouTube, I found this originally as its playlist on Spotify: listening through three episodes in the car while traveling alone for work. Glen and his players kept me company on a long cruise through Georgia - and as someone who will spend a lot of time listening, either in the car or in the gym in the morning, I truly appreciate the extra effort to put up an audio-only edition of the AP: as many people with limited data plans or who don't have time to sit and watch video for hours on end are enabled to participate in the event by it.

Lastly, I appreciate the unapologetic representation of the setting. The different races and species of Dark Sun are present and serving the narrative purpose in the campaign that they were intended to convey in the print material; the relationships between the desert folk and the city folk influence the direction of play, and while the players do banter - that banter does not take away from the experience, the ambiance: the quintessential elements that make Athas, Athas.

Oh - and it's complete. The story, while not wrapped up (the DM had other things come up in life which were priority and has had to take his leave from streaming/recording) - when you get into this AP, you aren't in for endless continual play. If that's something that appeals to you - the bounded nature of the AP: you have about a dozen episodes for this one - which will be sufficient to sate your thirst or perhaps inspirational to dive into the channel's other content.

Aspects to Note

One element of the AP that I found a tad tiresome - it is obvious that the DM is aware of YouTube's algorithm preferences.  There are no soy-jack faces, no tonsil-shots, which I appreciate - but it feels in some places that the game is trying too hard to be a spectacle. It is a home game - and it runs like a home game - but its a home game that is being crafted and run in such a way as to seem entertaining. 

Is there anything wrong with trying to appeal to a mass demographic? No - but if over-reaction, if over-emoting, puts you off, there will be some episodes where you will skip ahead a tad. In particular, the DM will pretend to be adversarial - complaining that the players didn't take enough damage, expressing glee when they are making a bad decision: it's obviously show - it's obviously part of the banter and dynamic of the friends who are sitting around the Zoom/Discord/Skype call: but it is a bit over the top for my personal tastes.

Apart from that... one of the key elements of OSR play is resource management: where combat is an option and often inevitable, it is something to be approached with caution and planning. Don't pick a fight you can't win - and retreat from fights where the cost isn't worth the progress said cost purchases.
Technically unrelated to the AP...
but NGL: I really enjoyed these
comics when they came out. By contrast - in this AP, combat is essential - combat happens every episode, typically, and can take a bulk of said episode to resolve. It's not really the fault of the campaign - per se: but a feature of the system. Because they are playing WotC D&D compared to TSR D&D, the focus of the game is more on skirmishes and exposé of character powers: so as long as they are playing 5e, that's going to be a part of the experience. Which, truth be told - leads us into the main concern that readers of this article will likely have:

The elephant in the room - which I might should have been more conscious of up front - they are playing 5th edition Dungeons & Dragons. 

While there is nothing expressly wrong with 5e, the entire purpose of the OSR was to reject the changes made to the system, and more so to the changes made to the focus of the game that result from the changes to the system, that Wizards of the Coast brings. So in order to truly facilitate Dark Sun, a lot of changes would need to be made either to the system - making it less useful to learn from - or to the setting: making it less authentic to its 1990s roots. Further - recall, AD&D 2nd Edition came out in 1989: Dark Sun, published two years later expressly for the new system. Defining the OSR as being a movement harkening to the Gygaxian tradition - the first 10 years of the game, prior to his ouster from TSR - the system and setting don't really lend a nod to the OSR ethos. Nothing about this playlist is OSR - and although I did enjoy listening through it, to you - the readers of this article - I recognize that posting about it might have been somewhat of a betrayal in terms of the tone of everything else I tend to do.

Why then, if it's not OSR, did you watch it? Well - like I mentioned - the group did have an Old School Essentials playlist set in Dolmenwood: so I assume that the group and DM must have some old school chops - or at least old school tendencies - which might be of use or value when converting 5e players into the old school mindset or of use to add new elements to an OSR game: as Dark Sun, as a world, absolutely could be run with 1st edition.

If they have a Dolmenwood/OSE playlist, why didn't you write a post about that one? Good question, actually.

In Conclusion

Eleven Foot Pole is a home game using a setting I hold in regard, but doesn't necessarily present the old school feel or old school mechanics that would typically appeal to your workaday grognard. The setting and the feel is right - so if you were jonesin' for some edification of Dark Sun and how it would handle in the current edition? This is for you.

As such, I am rating this Bone-Bikini: it's not really an armor class ... because this AP isn't really OSR ... but it's tonally appropriate. And who knows - after an episode or two, maybe you'll let Eleven Foot Pole keep you company for a long drive across Georgia, too.

Delve on!

Red Tree Hollow

Click HERE for a PDF version of this adventure!

Suitable for 1st Level

C - Traders & Tree

A winding, narrow trail ascends a sheer mountainside: leveling off and proceeding into what at first appears to be a nook in the wall, carved out by eons and eons of runoff. However: after a short distance, the walled valley opens up into almost a caldera: with several caves visible descending into the rock.

Scale: 10 ft

In the center of the clearing is a scraggly but large tree - its gnarled boughs wreathed by crimson plumage - red leaves budding like so many flowers from the rough, knotted wood. Beneath the tree rest three Traders (B43), sheltering for a while alongside their mule: presently unladen.

W - West

The ceilings are vaulted, supported by arched stone throughout. Roots and other intrusions have made their way through, leaving debris haphazardly strewn across the floor: to be kicked into piles by repetitious passage of feet.

W1 - Atrium

Columns rise to support a vaulted ceiling, the bases thereof resting atop carvings of figures in archaic armor. They are shorter than men, but taller than dwarves - their features, otherwise, have been obscured: as roots and cracks have taken a toll.

W2 - Crushing Corridor

Arches continue to line this corridor - however, concealed halfway through is a tripwire which - if activated - will cause the upward part of one of the central supports to fall: striking anyone in the same marching rank as the character triggering the trap.

An attack is made against any eligible target - THAC0 18 - for 1d10 damage. The falling block is supported by a chain which, a few moments after falling, will retract itself: re-tightening the tripwire and resetting the trap.

W3 - Treasury

In the south wall, three recessed spaces house two aged wooden boxes. One box contains specie amounting to 10 gold and 500 silver pieces. Four Giant Shrew (B42) are nosing about in the northern half of the space.

W4 - Refuse Chute

The walls of this chamber are lined with six stone cubes - 3 by 3 feet each. They will open - either up or down - along the top: which may surprise a character sitting or standing on one. If the character is surprised and falls through, they will fall a short distance, slide along a scree mound, and find themselves deposited near the base of the path leading to section C.

W5 - Beetle Chamber

Blank walls face inward - remnants of thread can be found by the discerning eye about the floor. The room is ringed by a narrow ridge - just barely too small to be seating, but of appropriate height from the floor - above which, near where the arches vault into the ceiling, a wooden rod rings all walls except south: broken in places, but still hanging.

The room is occupied by 8 Fire Beetles (B31).

N - North

The walls are cut stone and the ceiling is arched: supported at interval by columns, appearing to likewise be decoratively cut from the rock. Cracks are forming with age - and in places, roots can be seen dangling through them.

N1 - Dry Fountain

Semi-circular fonts - long dry, but bowled and with a thin pipe leading into the walls above each of them - adorn the corners of this space. A mosaic is inlaid in the floor - but it has been scratched and damaged: the image has been lost.

N2 - Idol's Barracks

Wooden bunks line the north and south sides of the room. They are fragile with age. In the center of the west wall is a female statue, hands held in opposition: one up, one out and down. The is carved to be wearing a diadem, an amulet, and a ring on both fingers. Inlaid in the diadem is an opal worth 50 gold pieces; inlaid in the amulet is a single pearl - 10 gold piece value - and what appear to be sockets where others might have been. On each of the ring fingers is a diamond: small, but flawlessly cut - each worth 500 gold pieces.

Beneath one of the bunks on the north side is a foot locker containing 200 silver pieces. It is locked, but it is also decrepit and can be opened somewhat easily with a bladed weapon or sufficient force.

N3 - Skeleton Guard Room

Arrayed against the walls in silent vigil are 10 Skeletons (B42). They will attack on sight - and if a party opens the door to N2, they will, after 1d4 turns, walk down to investigate. One of the skeletons wears a medallion and helmet. The medallion is of electrum, worth 10 gold pieces.

In the room, itself, slumped against the south-west corner is a knapsack in which 40 gold pieces, 30 feet of rope, and 4 unspent torches can be found.

N4 - Dry Pool

An ellipsoid space, shallow and concave with a drain clogged by dust and rock at the bottom occupies the northern portion of this space. An elaborate face is carved into the wall with pouting lips: almost as though it was designed to spout water into the basin.

N5 - Illusionary Stairs

In the center of the room is a spiral stair leading upwards. It seems to continue up and up - but doesn't truly ascend anywhere. In general, 1d4 turns will pass expiring before a party will suspect foul play: but no matter how long they spent on the stair, only one turn is required to return to the chamber.

Four thin, tall structures hold four silver figurines in the non-cardinal corners of the central square: an owl, a frog, a fox, and a bison. These are worth 5 gold pieces each.

N6 - Treasure Hive

Broken wooden furniture is piled in parallel lines, north to south, in the center of the room. On the south-west side, there is a hive of Killer Bees (B37). In addition to the queen, 9 bees float around the space.

In addition to the healing honey, 20 gold pieces, 6 platinum pieces, and a ring with a mood stone worth 20 gold pieces can be found if a party disassembles the hive.

N7 - Sword Sanctuary

Against the far wall from the door, a stone pedestal - shaped like the plateau in which the crag is situated - holds a flamberge stuck into it. The blade will come loose to any Lawful character and is as a +2 one-handed sword: dealing an extra 1d6 damage against Chaotic magic users on successful hit.

In addition, 900 silver pieces net have been arranged about the floor in stacks 9 high. Inlaid in the wall behind the sword are red ruby gemstones arranged to reflect light as to compliment the flamberge with a canopy of autumn. There are six gems in total, worth 100 gold pieces each, that a deft hand might pry from their sockets. 

E - East

These caves are square - no vaulting - and the carvings are more utilitarian: square lintels holding up the ceilings, very little adornment on the walls. However the walls are in good shape - with very little debris and no obvious cracking.

E1 - Den

Five Wolves (B44) are resting in the space. Beneath their mess, the floor is tiled, with a mosaic resemblant of the tree outside - albeit in a much larger, fuller state. Among the folderol in the space is a pouch containing 100 silver pieces.

E2 - Dwarfish Watcher

In the two south corners sit two braziers - unlit, but not dirty either. In the center of the north wall, a carving in the likeness of a dwarf guards the way. If a party passes, it will address them, speaking slowly and in a low tone. The statue is lonely - but cannot be removed: its purpose being to guard this place and its magic bound to it. For Lawful parties, or for parties with Dwarves in them, a +2 bonus to the Reaction Roll should be applied. For positive results, the statue will be friendly and helpful; for negative ones, it may be flippant or sarcastic with them - perhaps to their detriment.

It is not aware of the secret doors - but has seen the gnomes in room E3 moving out from behind the south-east brazier inexplicably. It and they do not see eye to eye.

E3 - Gnome Zone

Relatively new wooden chairs and a small table have been set in this space. Sitting at these tables are 4 Gnomes (B35) of stout character. They have 100 silver pieces between them and are of gruff, unfriendly - albeit not expressly combative - demeanor.

E4 - Inner Foyer

This chamber is nondescript - however the north door, when opened, has a 2-in-6 chance to jam: preventing any from passing east-west along the narrow corridor.

E5 - North Gem Chamber

The floor of the room is obscured entirely and the view into the room is milky as a strange, acrid-smelling fog cloaks the space. It is clammy, with a brief thrill to the touch - but is otherwise harmless.

Along both walls are what appear to be stone sarcophagus - six in total, arranged north to south - with the westernmost two being smaller than the others. If the north-west sarcophagus is pried open, inside can be found 200 silver pieces, two cat's eyes worth 20 gp each, and three small emeralds with 60 gp total.

E6 - South Gem Chamber

Like E5, a faux fog mysteriously hangs in this room. Also like E5, the fog is largely harmless.

In the nook to the south-west are three amphora - in one, ashes; in one, 30 gold pieces; in one, a pouch of several small aquamarine: worth 200 gp together.

Public domain and open licensed artwork retrieved from Pixabay, OldBookIllustrations.com, and from the National Gallery of Art and adapted for thematic use. Attribution in alt text.

Pirates of Dark Water

Thirteen treasures of ancient time,         thirteen lessons of rule in rhyme. To find the jewels in secret places,         follow where the compass faces.

If returned from the shore beyond,         a new day dawns for Octopon. But if they should fall into evil hands,         darkness descends on all the lands.

For these riches two shall vie,

        in the realm of Dark Water where the treasures lie...

N-Spiration:

The Pirates of Dark Water

About the Show

N. C. Wyeth

The brain child of David Kirschner and the byproduct of collaboration with Hanna-Barbera, The Pirates of Dark Water is an animated series best considered in three parts: first, a miniseries - Dark Water - aired in 1991 on the Fox Kids programming block; second, a first season with eight new episodes from the Dark Water miniseries, aired on ABC also in 1991; and finally, a second season - again, eight new episodes - airing between 1992 and 1993 on syndication.  Inspired in Kirschner's mind by the writings of Robert Louis Stevenson and the artwork of N.C. Wyeth and Howard Pyle, The Pirates of Dark Water is a unique fusion of pseudo medieval fantasy and the romantic swashbuckling adventure inherent to the Age of Sail.

At the time of its creation - the Dark Water miniseries was the most expensive animation ever attempted at Hanna Barbera: with double the cels of a standard production aimed at the same audience - each episode coming with a production price-tag of half a million dollars - unheard of for a pilot, but adjusted for inflation, putting it into the cost realm of established, prime-time media akin to Family Guy or Adventure Time. Starring a frankly stunning cast of voice talent - Jodi Benson (Ariel of The Little Mermaid), Brock Peters (beyond his Tony Award nomination and recurring role in the Star Trek motion picture franchise, perhaps known best for his portrayal of Tom Robinson in 1962's To Kill a Mockingbird), Tim Curry... - Hanna-Barbera truly gave it their all to launch and succeed at this surreal and genre-defying yarn.

The Pirates of Dark Water - especially in the first season - is characterized by amazing visuals and a completely alien world. The viewer experiences the sensation of exploration even by watching as the characters navigate through the world of Mer: which is simultaneously familiar yet dramatically different from our own historical reality. 

This is especially powerful in the first five episodes - where the high production values lend themselves, in addition to the all-star cast, to a stunning visual experience: fluid motions of both characters and objects, dynamic and natural interaction between elements in the frame, and lighting and contrast enviable by live-action television firmly grips the eye. 

Hours pass - dragon riders, alien beings, mystic encounters, open battle across the high seas or through lush jungles brimming with vibrant, unknown flora - the only cue as to that reality being the buffering of a new episode loading on stream.

The technology level is approximately medieval - and the world is filled with magic: enough that the citizenry will be aware of it (perhaps fueling the superstition of piratical characters), but not so much that magic is the answer to every problem. The thrust of the show is that thirteen mystic gemstones - the Treasures of Rule - use to keep a substance called Dark Water (a malevolent, semi-sentient liquid that drowns ships and men and causes lands it poisons to wither) at bay: and having been lost, the Dark Water is spreading unchecked. But in the meantime, the workaday adventurer leverages a series of tools - clockwork rigging, gliders, and other DaVinci-emulative technology - to accomplish their ends: and in addition to this plethora of almost Waterworld styled equipment, a wild and diverse assortment of animals and plants fill in the gaps. Tough octopus being used for grappling; leeches with acidic wash being thrown into the sails of enemy vessels to cripple their mobility, or cephalopods with air bladders being worn about the head to facilitate breathing beneath the waves.

(same actor)

They substitute technology for purpose-use animals? Kind of like the Flintstones. Quiet, you!

Whats to Like

First and foremost - the characters in the series, including the majority of the protagonists, are all pirates. They are cut-throat thieves who carry their own motivations and their own interests at heart: something that is perfectly in line with the OSR adventurer. The common attack against the Thief class in 0e communities is that "Everyone is a Thief" - this is absolutely true of The Pirates of Dark Water. 

Spoiler to follow (and conclude with this paragraph) - Niddler, the monkey-bird (a hybrid, sentient creature which is composed of precisely the chimeric mix the species name might suggest), upon rescuing the main protagonist, Ren, threatens to drop him into the sea if he doesn't want to stop for refreshments along their path. More deviously, in the fourth episode, Tula - the bar wench turned stowaway and unlikely ally - reveals her long-con: having gained the trust of the others, she poisons them and uses the treasure as barter to try to retrieve a kidnapped magician from her home island, sacrificing her allies in the process!

This mercenary nature - for both villains and heroes, alike - lends itself towards the treasure focus of the series. Most seamen are always looking for treasure, for gold - and on several occasions, the attempt to acquire it leads to problems. Enemies frequently outgun or outnumber the treasure-seekers: so force is rarely the answer. Instead, the party has to think on its feet and rely on cunning, rely on their environment, and push their luck to make it through and to win their objective. This parallels the OSR tabletop experience - where a party is going to be frequently outgunned, out-leveled, and is going to have to likewise embrace tactics outside the obvious to walk out of the adventure both enriched and alive. The energetic nature of an age-of-sail romance likewise serves to energize the process: getting the players into the mood for the adventure.

Further - the series combines two key elements of OSR play: the overland and the underground adventure. Seeking the Treasures of Rule, at a minimum - the primary objective of the main character's quest - entails in each episode where one is sought out from its hiding place an over-sea voyage to arrive where it was hidden or lost, an overland trek through unknown territory to find where its hidden, and usually a crawl through a complex, dungeon, or adventure site where puzzles, traps, and monsters make it more difficult to obtain! Even in episodes where a Treasure of Rule is not the main focus - other treasures usually are: for example, a flock of monkey-birds to be sold as pets or slaves; or a treasure map which (spoiler to follow) leads to an island of spiders and a cave with a chest... which was a trick! The treasure having moved to a silk-wrapped chrysalis and the chest having been left empty to draw in unwary pirates as prey!

Melnibonéans?

We see this pattern emerge and repeat: in beautiful parallel to the gold-for-experience feedback loop tacitly endemic to OSR campaigns.

Lastly - in regards to villains and other "NPC' characters - there is usually a faction involved. Very few, if any, characters outside the main group operate on their own. The primary antagonist - Bloth - commands a ship with dozens of crew; the Dark Dweller commands a cult of followers. Alternatively - allies are never just allies: Zoolie, a pirate making several appearances, commands a tavern / game-house and several employees. And among these characters - the only "solo" character springing to mind is Teron - the mystic "ecomancer" (a magician with nature powers) whom the party rescues and befriends: which likewise falls into Appendix N: the lonely wizard in his tower; the secretive druid in his grove.

The Pirates of Dark Water is permeated with OSR themes and tones - sure to inspire characters or home-brewed supplements to your personal campaign. 

Concerns and Considerations

Re-watching The Pirates of Dark Water on Amazon Video streaming service, one sees a rating which varies for each episode - some of which recommend an age of as high as 13 as the appropriate minimum: requiring a code to unlock if watching on a child-profile. This is - however - utter hogwash: as the show is - undeniably - a program aimed at children.

• The plot of multiple episodes proceeds only because of obvious, easily solved miscommunications or uncharacteristically stupid players about the stage. Falling into Dark Water? Danger! Nevermind that I am holding a Treasure of Rule, which I should remember will force the Dark Water back and save my skin like it did last episode!
  
  
• Plots become formulaic: local stranger seems helpful, but betrays the party to Bloth! - strange phenomenon occurs; Tula activates ecomancer powers - problem solved! It becomes predictable in the latter episodes to older eyes.
  
  
• There is a notable cessation of violence: with being knocked over, being thrown in the water, or being subjected to sleeping gas/powder replacing sword fighting, ship ramming actions, and heaving victims into the lair of carnivorous creatures.
  
  
• Character development after the miniseries seems capricious - season two, in particular, being weighed down with episodes hinging on character traits or inter-party conflicts with either no precedent or in active opposition to events in prior episodes: as though the offenders were written in isolation.

Villain, Early Series

Even in the miniseries, it is evident that the target audience was young: the hero, Ren, is naive; the quest, to save the world. All true violence is implied, off camera, and a vernacular for curses and insults (noy jitat, you kreld-cruising sea-hog!) is invented for Mer, itself, in evasion of profanity without compromising in tone.

Villain, Late Series

More disappointingly, however, in the latter episodes of the first season (and truly noticeable in the second) budget concerns severely impact the magic of the visual and audio presentation. Where once, an entire scene is painted together - later on, the hallmark difference in saturation occurring when one element of an animated scene is moving or interactive against a background which is static rears its ugly head. 

Sea Monster, Early Series

Where once, a character listening to the tale or plan might shift eagerly, moving weight from one side to the other, their hair shifting in time a moment later as they do - later on, listeners are as still as stone: a cheaper pose without that annoying requirement of animation due to being animate.

Sea "Monster," Late Series

But the disappointment of what could have been - were the series allowed to complete rather than cancel as costs mounted and reduced production quality and thematic faithfulness restricted distribution or audiences: this still stings a bit harder.

Lastly... for some reason, the production decided to make Tula into a magician where she was a perfectly acceptable rogue and scrapper before - and along with the class shift comes a sexier costume. Simpler - at at a minimum: perhaps easier (cheaper...) to color and animate. In so doing, an element of fantasy is added, but at the same time, an element of character is taken away. While a child might like new Tula (Newla?) - the "ecomancy" she learns is not akin to Vancian magic. It instead serves as a crutch: providing exactly what she needs at the exact time. And truthfully, this is my only gaming-specific complaint against the series: that the magic does not match the spirit of TSR D&D - which makes it deviate a bit from what an OSR party might experience.

Where to Watch

In terms of streaming, while I am not aware of a streaming option that is free to use, the complete series, The Pirates of Dark Water, is available for purchase on Further Media 
For readers who find themselves intrigued and pursue The Pirates of Dark Water, but are left unsatisfied by the two dozen odd episodes they find, a companion comic book was released by Marvel around the time the show was still running. Physical copies can be found, or digital copies exist that can be read online. YouTube from Warner Brothers media, on Vudu, and also available to buy or to rent on Amazon Video. While it is possible there are more avenues - I personally watched on Amazon out of convenience - it will be the responsibility of you, the reader, to seek them out.

For physical media - DVDs of the series (season 1, season 2, or the both together) can be found used or new in various outlets - Amazon, Ebay, Walmart, or - again - likely other resellers.

In another interesting note - there were two Pirates of Dark Water themed video games also released - one, for Super Nintendo; the other for Sega Genesis. The former is a side-scrolling brawl style game: the latter bears more role-play elements. It has been long enough since I have seen them - perhaps longer than some of my readers have been alive - that I cannot remember to vouch how well they suit the genre or how faithful they are to the source material.

In Conclusion

The Pirates of Dark Water is a solid, largely well-written fantasy adventure romp: leaning deeply into pseudo-medieval mystic fantasy and sea-soaked swashbuckling. The crew survives sometimes by strength, but more frequently by wits and by coin - and in the case of the villains: that coin is purposed to flesh out bands, armies, or factions which then compete with one another for control of the treasures and also for control of the waves. The only element holding it back is the later syndication: where quality suffered due to cost and marketing concerns.

For this reason, I rank The Pirates of Dark Water in two parts - first, the miniseries (and by extension season one) as 1: Tré OSR; and second, season two and the scraps in season one which foreshadow it, 3: OSR by Association. An over-all rating of 2 is probably fair for the whole of the pot.

This show is a relic of a better time - when adventure, exploration, and a deep yearning for what was beyond the horizon permeated Saturday mornings, filling the heads of those young enough, cereal in hand, to invest those precious hours into ingested imagination: fueling a similar yearning to roam - in local lands or beyond. It's something I remember fondly from my childhood, and something I have had the pleasure of sharing with my own children - gladly thereafter witnessing their conversion of existing toys and playthings into piratical accouterments. 

A table which sets its campaign in the world of Mer is a table at which I would happily sit. 

Delve on!

The Pirates of Dark Water, originally produced by Hanna-Barbara, is property of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. All imagery related thereto is likewise property of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc. The Rocky Horror Picture Show produced by 20th Century Fox is wholly owned by The Walt Disney Company via The Walt Disney Studios division. Art piece of a pirate and a snake by N. C. Wyeth, name unknown to Clerics Wear Ringmail, retrieved from IllustrationHistory.org. Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, Dungeons & Dragons, and D&D and all imagery or references thereto related are property of Wizards of the Coast.

Clerics Wear Ringmail makes no claim of ownership of any sort to any of the aforementioned media, texts, or images and includes references to them for review purposes under Fair Use: US Code Title 17, Chapter 107. 

The slide-in of Gary... I got from a meme.